Pain
by xxanglophilexx
Summary: A weight sinks onto his bed. It feels real. He knows who it is. Sirius? he croaks, unbelievingly, drowsily. Sirius closes his eyes. Biting down on his lip, he nods uncertainly. Remus can't be hallucinating again. Angsty. ONESHOT. RLSB. Onesided RLNT.


**A/N: I have no idea why, but I've been writing a lot of rather angsty stuff lately. I have no idea why I force Remus to suffer so much. I love him, really.**

**Pairings: RLSB. One-sided RLNT.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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A weight sinks onto his bed. It _feels _real. But he hasn't been too in touch with reality lately, so who is he to tell?

He opens one eye, tentatively. He catches sight of a bare chest and striped pyjama bottoms. There is waved black hair brushing the top of broad, naked shoulders. He knows who it is.

Both eyes open.

"Sirius?" he croaks, unbelievingly, drowsily. "Padfoot?"

The person angles his head. Remus's breath hitches as he meets the eyes of the man on his bed.

"Sirius?"

Sirius closes his eyes. Biting down on his lip, he nods uncertainly. Noncommittally. Confusedly.

Remus sits up. Slowly. His hand reaches out on its own accord, the tips of his fingers resting on an arm. He carefully wraps his hand around Sirius's wrist. Gripping it tightly, he lets his eyes flutter shut.

It feels the same.

It feels _real_.

He can't be hallucinating again.

Remus opens his eyes to see Sirius lifting his head up, his eyes meeting Remus's. They look pained, hurt. Like Sirius just wants to curl up and sleep for days.

In the hallucinations, Sirius's eyes are always smiling.

"_Sirius_," Remus breathes again. Sirius swallows, nodding. "_Oh_, _Merlin_."

Remus can't help it. Before he knows it, he's wrapping his arms around Sirius. He's holding Sirius tight to him, bare skin against bare skin, heat trapped between them.

He presses his face against the curve of Sirius's neck, not caring that Sirius doesn't smell right. Not caring that there is no lingering scent of dog, no hint of citrus. It doesn't matter.

Is he hallucinating? He finds he doesn't care either way. Because whatever this is, it feels like Sirius, and he can wrap his arms around it and hold it and pretend that it's real, even if it isn't.

"I love you," he whispers against Sirius's neck. It's the only thing he can say. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

He knows he's crying, because his face is wet, but he doesn't register the actual act of it. Sirius is crying too, since when Remus's thumbs frantically brush over Sirius's cheekbones, there are wet trails leading down Sirius's face.

It doesn't matter.

He presses his lips against Sirius's just once, hardly giving the other man a chance to respond. He can tell Sirius is overwhelmed. He can tell by the erratic breathing, the unconscious twitching, the teeth firmly sunk into Sirius's bottom lip. It's too much for him. It's too much for both of them, but Remus doesn't care.

He has Sirius.

"It's okay," he murmurs. "It's fine. We'll be fine. We'll be together. I love you. I love you, and I'll never stop."

Sirius nods, the tears falling faster than ever. "I love you," he mouths, his lips barely moving, like he can't bring himself to say the words. Remus understands what he means. He understands what Sirius is feeling.

Remus is silent for a moment, a long moment, when he only looks at Sirius desperately. Desperately, and frantically, and filled with want. Want for this to be real, for everything to be alright. For all the pain of the last few months to disappear.

For Sirius.

Sirius's glance says the same. He's desperate too. They're both desperate. They both want comfort. They want each other.

It's a dilemma, almost, but it isn't really. Because they both know what they want, but Sirius isn't acting on it. So Remus does, throwing his arms around Sirius once more. He embraces Sirius tightly, afraid that this will all disappear any moment. Sirius seems afraid, too.

Now Remus is sobbing, and he knows it, but he doesn't care. He has Sirius for now. For this moment. For this point in time. And that is all he wants or needs.

"I love you," he breathes, his breath ghosting against Sirius's cheek. "Forever, Sirius. Forever."

Sirius doesn't respond. He can only cry.

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Tonks stands up, glancing at the bed uncertainly. She forces herself to walk forward, leaving the room and silently shutting the door behind her. She sinks her teeth into her lip to stay quiet.

She leans against the wall, breathing heavily. She feels her hair shorten slowly, lifting off her shoulders and tightening into spikes. Feeling tears brim in her eyes, she shuts them tightly.

She wants to scream.

Breathing in, she lets out a broken sob and pounds on the wall with her fist. She gnashes her teeth against her bottom lip, wanting blood to spill. Wanting to feel pain. More pain. Pain like the pain that Remus is feeling.

Then, in the dark silence, she sinks to the ground and begins to sob.

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Remus wakes up.

He blinks.

There is no one beside him.


End file.
